The Cruelty of the World. Part 1.

I like this quote..humans will go back to ashes when they die, just like a snowman melts in the beginning of spring. But will that spring be beautiful or is it unknown?
I experience the feeling of lost and the formation of death. Crying and drinking... to sooth the feeling of pain. But will it last? I wonder.

LGBT is not a smooth ride...being something special is not always easy...there will be thousand of rocks and pebbles thrown at you...but in the end? Will it be worth it?
Would you be straight in order to please your parents?
Would you show sympathize on those 15 years old teen raping and murder a gay kid?

You might say yes and no..but the answer for this is...would you slap yourself and wake up? because there won't be a snowman to talk to when you feel down and broken, as it will melt one day..just like someone passed away. The world is mean..people change in order to adept this environment.. Greed's and Money begin to overthrown their taught's making them to do anything even involving killing they own flesh and blood.

I happen to stumble on this inspiring yet sad news that could leave a scar on the LGBT's.
I always wonder why am I not that kid whom would get bullied and just hang myself and die.
I understand why this teen have to do all this. They feel a shame of themselves and wondered why do they have to go through all of this, why can't they just be a normal teen and always taught they don't deserve to live and making other people life easier without their present.
They been threaten by other teens making them afraid to step outside. Killing them in the most cruelty way. 3 homosexual teenagers died during the beginning and the end of this month. Even ghost or spirits aren't that cruel. This people should have not been label as humans, they should just be an animal.

More info on this teen on my next post. I am so disappointed with this type of humans. LGBT is already hard enough and with their present. It makes this even more difficult.

The Starting Of A New World.

Granado Espada Is An inspiring game...
I think my whole blog is about GE now hehe...
Anyway this game inspire me with the renaissance era!! Luv it!! <3!
I love the centuries...

Mum Mum Mum This is My Barracks =)

LeonHeart*cross*





And One More thing...there are a lot of Plu's Playing this game OwO!

Back to Being Windowed.

Single is better then being with someone. The End.

18 Cookie. Um yum!

18 is like the moon and the sun touching each other to form a destruction, enjoy the freedom and life throwing at your face. I'm kinda happy? Well, 18 was a huge turning point for me, from windowed to single. I think I am ready for a relationship? D= maybe?
I never fall in love before only tiny crushes. Never ever hold hands with thou(lover),
well.. I don't know if I should make the first move as the first move will lead me to my own milky way!

Love agenda is kinda new to me, never experience before..I wonder, how does it feel like. How well I should stand up for Lo Que Soy, and always be the happy bee and cheerful guy.. my blog has changed into a pot of gold under a blissful rainbow.
Even though I am 18, I feel like a 15 years old kid, Even the security guard outside a club said "Small kid" D=< how rude!

Enjoy the 18th Cookie of Corazon!

Bi Phobia?

The truth is that I have this "issue" with bisexuality... in my opinion, they are kinda greedy and selfish. They normally see "good looking stuff" as you call it.
But the truth is they keep hurting people who devoted abundance of hope for them.
Why? are they so greedy. Can't they be devoted to just one? their lover?.. For me I don't hate them.. I feel disgusted to be friend with this type of people, I feel pity for them, as they don't cherish what they have and will never experience the word Hope. I think they don't even know?

It seems that more PLU are dating with girls now a days, and I taught they are gay?
What's wrong with this people? they have a button to change sexuality? Can I have one? so I could change my sexuality to asexual, because devoting to love is really hard and painful, It's a burden. Are they Gay or just semi gay?( Do they have this word?)or they just can't wait to fall in love? so they want to test out with a lady?. I feel disgusted. I don't really know what's going on in this circle. I think I should just enjoy my life instead of theirs. Cause I can only label them as idiots.

The Uncertain

I always taught being the limelight will always be good but I just realise that not everything is easy the stares that was given to me , were just lusting of human soul.
I am tired of faking myself to be strong, to act ignorant and just wanting to break down.

I am working & studying really hard right now, and this I should be proud. People might see me as someone who have all the confidence in the world or just plain ignorant, but they don't know that I weep in the dark, just to release this uncertain feeling to stay strong. I cannot break down, if I do. I will lose everything that I have succeed in life.

It's really hard to stay strong in a clouded past and a painful present, It's really really hard. Maybe I am still searching for a way out inside the cookie jar, maybe I need to cry really hard just to release this pain. Which road should I take. I hope that a shiny star could light up the silent night.

Milky Way (Lyrics)

Fall down an earthworm hole
I am looking at my past
Dreaming of a fantasy
That Will never ever last.

I found bruises in my heart
How Can I get it healed
I was thinking of the narrow path
To guide me home.

Pour Down milk on this path
Dreaming of the stars
Walking Down the Milky Way to guide me home..
Fly..Fly Away.. Fly..Fly Away..

Waking up on the ground
and suffering in pain
if I have my guts to wake up
I will remember all the hates

Because Pour Down Milk on this path
Dreaming of the stars
Walking Down the Milky Way to guide me home...
Fly..Fly away!!

I can never look back at my past
cause I'll hid it in a safety box
to break up all my words
so I can find my way!

Pour down..Milk on this path
dreaming ... of the stars!!

So Pour down Milk on this path
Dreaming of the Stars
Walking down the Milky way to guide me home...
to guide me home.
to guide me home.
to guide me home...

So Pour down milk and form a milky way...~

Dear Diary.

(My Blog is a diary that portray my life and secrets)... People always says that...but when your in the digital web space , diary doesn't exist. I would call my blog as a journal portraying pieces of fragment in life. I wasn't able to write and express my feelings this few weeks because of my loaded assignments.(assignments are killing me, but at the end it's worth it).

I'm 17 what do people expect from me. They may call me an immature little brat but I don't mind nor I care. Young is as fragile as my diary.I wonder why are diaries fragile, maybe it's because it contains dark secrets of life and secrets that nobody should know as the secrets are buried under the soil of earth.

I am working/studying really hard to do my best for all of my assignments, I don't care if I failed because I know I give it all of my 100% on it and I should be happy =).

Love is the last thing in my list right now. To me it's a piece of joke especially if your in the LGBT circle. Most of them are just lust not love. So it's a joke that is not worth the wait. Dear Journal, Your the only person/thing who listen to all my complaints.

-Satoru-

Waking at 5.

*BEEP*!!! sound of the alarm....awakens me
=( I gotta camp in front of the college hall like really early because there will be like dozen student queuing in front of the main door... but i look the surrounding in the dark...given me an goth inspiration and sadness but behind the sadness i can feel peace and beauty, as i looked above the stars and turn around in circle~
i never felt so free before the chilly air flowing around me makes me feel so...
free...as if i am flying~

The Dawn has awaken and i looked up the sunrise... never taught KL would have a nice beautiful scenery... the concrete buildings made everything looks different and weird... making me wonder....if only i could share this piece with you... if only i have you... ~

Colours.

"Everyone hold your color pencils and start using hatching" says Miss X.

I always looked at myself, wondering what color should i label myself? i think its light blue and black. Everyone seem to have better color then me with their cheerful personalities. Maybe i should take a brush and paint myself black to camouflage myself from the face on earth?...I think that my heart is colored black.

- Black Heart -
Why? i think it's black?
Because i don't deserve to be loved or to fall into one...
it always hurt me deep inside i hope one day i could just tear the colored paper away and smudge them with black paint..one day i will do it...one day...

Bleeding Stars.

I wonder why Kuala Lumpur doesn't have any stars on the sky when the day turn to dusk.... maybe its because the stars are hiding from the pain?....

The Stars are bleeding , while i dream about holding your hands....
why can't you just disappear from my mind or soul...Get Out from me....

Oh! shiny stars guide me with your inner sparkle, throw me a sign, give me light to brighten this hazy path.

I am bleeding inside...In the dark, in the haze...guide me through...give me light.

I need Light to brighten my day. at least a little.

Break the Jar.

I am gonna break the ice by saying...this is my personal diary called the cookie jar.
i will be posting about the days i am going through day by day...

I am currently going through my diploma right now and this diary of mines will give me ideas and inspiration of my coming assignments or artworks.

I will also post lyrics that i have written through different emotions from my visual diary.

I named this Blog Cookie Jar because it describe me in a jar trying to break free from suffocating.


by Satoru~